so it was literally the plot of a Scooby Doo episode

#monsterdon

all you had to do was make a movie where wax figures come to life and kill people. would that have been so hard

#monsterdon

I believe I was promised terror

I got probate law

These are not the same

#Monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum #WaxMuseum1976

booooo the wax museum murderer was just the only guy who knows about wax stuff wearing a wax mask when he is also the only plausible suspect i take it back having the wax people come to life for real would have been better than this #monsterdon

@Taweret the movie literally does not qualify as a wax museum horror movie the wax people haven't actually come to life even once #monsterdon

Okay, if I'm being 100% honest, if I ran a wax museum and got murdered, I'd want them to make me into an exhibit.

#Monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum

This is the final frame of the file from the Internet Archive. Jeff is in trouble.
#monsterdon

i was born like right on the tail end of when signatures were a real thing, was it really like everyone had to passively encrypt their identity by developing a way of writing their name that they can easily and reliably reproduce in a way that is consistent enough yet hard to imitate that it could serve as proof of identity, or is that just in the movies #monsterdon

Authentic British ignorance of other cultures...

#Monsterdon

I really need one of the police officers to tell me if there’s anything to see here or not. #Monsterdon

There is not a single authentic pub in London where they won't allow you to bad mouth 'filthy rich Americans'
This pub is all wrong...

#Monsterdon

"I suppose the period of mourning is officially over."

He was surprised that pickup line didn't work better.
#monsterdon

I'm mostly judging everyone in this movie by how nice they are to Kharkov.

#monsterdon

Me to grandchildren: “In my day, we ripped CDs and then burned them”

Grandkids: “What are CDs, grandfather?”

Me to grandchildren: “See deez nuts?”

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

The Clock and Horn sounds like a singles pub for Time Lords.

#Monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum

You've failed as a murder mystery when most of the people who have just watched it don't know who the murderer was, and this isn't some Avant Garde deconstruction of a murder mystery either.....fuck you Bing!

#Monsterdon

MFW I realize there are still 15 minutes left in the Monsterdon film

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

She's delivering pizza to the ninja turtles

#Monsterdon

There's more of gravy than of grave with these wax sprits... #Monsterdon

I feel like if you're filming a murder mystery, selecting a character with less than two dozen lines in the whole piece as the killer should be an arrestable offense.

Like, if a character's actual screentime in the final cut doesn't hit two digits and you pull him out of your ass in the last five minutes as the killer, I should get to hit you over the head with a stick.

#Monsterdon

So many 70's movies are just GREASY, why was the 70's so DAMP and YELLOW :/ #Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON Goodbye!

Never have so many actors done so much acting for little! The night was saved by all of you in the Real-Time Film Analysis Squad! I will take these laughs with me through the week.

❤️ And thank you @Taweret for hosting tonight's museum malevolence.

🅱️ and thanks @cherizilla for the Bingo card! My favorite: "Something Swinging"

#Monsterdon #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum1973 #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum

Soho to Limehouse is a freaking long distance. There's no way he walked drunk from Soho to Limehouse.
#monsterdon

@cargot_robbie Karkhov is freed from prison when his upskirt daguerreotypes taken during the murder are discovered

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

Karkov, friend to women, enemy of capitalism. best character in this movie.

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

Aunt Julia is giving me Ayn Rand vibes, seeing the dude in the basement as a 'burden'

#Monsterdon

What age does Meg have to get to, 35? #Monsterdon

🦖MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ WAXY TRIVIA 🦎

Bluebeard may be less commonly known by Monsterdon viewers. He was from a French folktale, a wealthy man with a blue beard who killed his wives.

This should not prejudice you against blue beards.

#Monsterdon #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum1973 #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum

#monsterdon Wrapup post for experiment: Terror in the Wax Museum:

- A Scooby Doo episode down to tearing the mask off of the perp.
- Inspector who snaps his hair on every morning.
- Irrefutable proof that less is more when it comes to "guyliner"
- just a bit of the old throwback to the thirties racism.
- one very good twist: they deftly avoided the "human body _is_ the waxwork" thing that pretty much every other one of these does.
- Now Museum, now you don't 🥁

Thanks @Taweret as always for running the show, @JoeWynne for providing a challenging but delicious cocktail, I always love the Tiki stuff, @cherizilla for the running bingo side-quest

edit- forgot to add "T'was an istoric event, enry iggins!"

@Taweret i thought for one brief moment that we would get a glorious final 5 "this is where all the budget went" wax museum melee #monsterdon

Seriously adding that film to the list of reasons to cancel Bing Crosby

#monsterdon

wait WHO was the killer???

#monsterdon

what a fucking WASTE bro if i approached a movie studio with a script like "what about if a wax museum guy owner killed and it turns out it was the wax museum guy wearing a wax mask that was the main suspect the whole time" they would rightly tell me to go fuck myself #monsterdon

fuck #Monsterdon

At least it's not Sean Connery pretending to be a dragon lady

#Monsterdon

Lucretia Borgia with her poisoned goblet is considerably less threatening than everybody with knives and whatnot. #Monsterdon

*Guillotine slams

*People of the 21st Century cheer

#Monsterdon

We couldn’t afford a second song. #Monsterdon

the plot of this movie is mostly "when a wax wizard dies, who inherits his wax children"?

#monsterdon

Looking forward to the Devil Girl bot poll where this wins "Most legally accurate property transfers"

#Monsterdon

Honk snoo, honk snoo, memememememe

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

ooo, it's that lady who plays old posh British ladies who don't take shit from men

#Monsterdon

If I were a police inspector, I believe "led the Jack the Ripper investigation" would be among my best kept secrets.

#Monsterdon

🦖MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ WAXY TRIVIA 🦎

Bing Crosby Enterprises gave the world's first demonstration of videotape recording in Los Angeles on November 11, 1951. (Continued)

#Monsterdon #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum1973 #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum

"I know every detail of their lives....I have a podcast...."

#Monsterdon

I'd like to thank RealPlayer for the quality of this rip

#Monsterdon

Hard to believe Julia was also the Bride of Frankenstein. #Monsterdon

that's some straight up ... werewolf break movie* ending, some dumbass character we basically never see turns out to be the killer?!

fuck you, movie

ETA: THE BEAST MUST DIE, thank you @bunnyhero

#monsterdon #WaxMuseum1976

I question the wisdom of installing an actual blade in a wax figure's guillotine.

#Monsterdon

this is the opposite of those monster movies where too much happens.

#Monsterdon

Wondering if the actors in this movie are playing drunk or just actually drunk to get through this and out of Bing Crosby's subterrenean maze complex

#Monsterdon

The carnation was found where? Oh, buttonhole. #Monsterdon

lol "Mad as a boiled owl"

oh fuck off, nobody's ever said that

#Monsterdon

Why do they keep milk in the wax museum? #Monsterdon

ACAB (All Constables Are Bastards) #Monsterdon

"I ad me sausages last night!"

wink wink

#Monsterdon

🦖MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ WAXY TRIVIA 🦎

Elsa Lanchester was the bride in Bride of Frankenstein. That was 1935, 38 years before 'Terror'.

#Monsterdon #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum1973 #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum

“Wow! This is action packed! I can barely keep up with the plot!” said no Monsterdon attendee ever.

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

🦖MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ WAXY TRIVIA 🦎

Bing Crosby's team once preserved intense laughter recordings from a radio comedian's risqué humor. This recording was used a few weeks later, when another episode lacked strong humor.

👉 The first laugh track was born.

#Monsterdon #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum1973 #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum

Loving these London accents, so authentic I can guess the Borough in fact... /s

#monsterdon

🦖MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ WAXY TRIVIA 🦎

Bing Crosby Productions was one of the two production companies that made tonight's feature.

This company began because, in 1947, Crosby wanted to pre-record his live radio shows to give himself more flexibility. But the technology to do so was just emerging. He drove the innovation. (Continued)

#Monsterdon #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum1973 #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum

I can’t believe history’s most infamous murderers would turn on him like this. #Monsterdon

After this song, Bea Arthur sings “Goodnight, But Not Goodbye” from Star Wars

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

I didn’t realize it was this particular wax museum movie, which I’ve seen a couple times via Rifftrax. The main thing I remember is an actress with an amazing “I washed me hands and face before I come, I did.” accent. #Monsterdon

@saucerlost I love a feel-confused and incoherent ending

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

The cop appears out of nowhere to punch the real murder and then get lost in the murder museum so the murder can throw wax statues at him and teleport to the stairwells to divebomb him from the air and then attack him with a sword, but eventually gets impaled on a wall axe.

The cop removes the ripper mask revealing the murderer to be... somebody. Probably the wax magician.

#monsterdon

Wait, what's with the Platinum tools now? why is this?

#Monsterdon

Chief we all know it's what's his fuck wearing the ripper mask so he can BE the ripper like a good ol' serial killer. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon "Ere, what are you up to in that outfit" the camera swings around to reveal the devil girl from mars with a bobby's cap on

Could it be?
Have we heard that song for the last time?

#monsterdon

Welcome to 1970s British Chinese restaurant! We have one table! It is surrounded by decorations! Please complain about our slippery food!

Also, our owner does divination! Her prophecies are weirdly specific! Please bribe her for extra secrets! It is the only way we stay in business!

#monsterdon

We should be thankful they didn't yellowface this...

#Monsterdon

@paco No wonder he was thirsty when he got there!

#Monsterdon

"It's not a matter of money"

He's old, drunk and grabby, enough reasons

#Monsterdon

It difficult to mock a film when literally nothing is happening. How do you make fun of NOTHING?!

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

lol, the 'head'

just lying around...

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Party at the moontower! My favorite bit of Jack the Ripper lore is that he was (rumored to be) active in Austin, Tx. beforehand. There was a serial killer active here 3 years before the JTR murders, and to help make the streets safer the city bought a whole bunch of "moontower" lamps from I think Philly? Anyway there's 1, maybe 2 still working as featured in the Linklater movie "Dazed and Confused"

Meanwhile back in this movie Inspctor minifig-hair just happened to be walking by when the heiress lady screamed, he wasn't up to anything creepy, nope

Why is she carrying a lamp if the place is lit up like day?

#monsterdon

Aunt Julia's Edwardian CPAP machine buzzing away...

#Monsterdon

"We never caught Jack the Ripper. That pale doctor with sideburns and a cape that was always talking about interior biology was kind enough to turn over this murder weapon for us to aid in the investigation, though"

#Monsterdon #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum1973

ah yes, a second, funnier Ripper has committed the crime.

#monsterdon

OIVE AD ME LAST SAUSAGE GUVNAH

okay I'll really stop

(these accents, though)

#Monsterdon

Seeing these well-known actors, I am reminded of an incident that Dana Gould's recounted. He was in an acting class at U. Mass. Boston that was graced by a visit by one Vincent Price. Price spoke for awhile about craft, and was well-received, until one guy emitted something like 'Yeah, but what were you doing in all those crappy movies you made!?'

Price didn't miss a beat before responding with 'What was I doing? I was _working_!'.

#monsterdon
#WaxMuseum1976

I had the nightmare again… the one in which all of the previous Monsterdon movies attack me because I didn’t vote for them

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

You all know about the actual Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in London, right?

Of course you do, you're all nerds!

#Monsterdon

I really, really want to listen to Karkov's new wave band

Even more so if it's called Wax Poetic

#Monsterdon

Well this movie is off to a grate start

#Monsterdon #WaxMuseum1973

Absolute potato quality version of from Internet Archive this week, the recorded off TV effect almost...

#Monsterdon

Terrors in wax museums used to be very common until Madam Tussauds perfected the inanimate wax figure. How exactly this is accomplished is a closely guarded secret to this day, though experts believe that a combination of holy water and high energy gamma irradiation is key.

#Monsterdon thread begins here.

Lizzie Borden used Ax. IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

Thanks #monsterdon ers. If you're looking for a film to finish off your Memorial Day #MondayActionMovie at 8 P ET has one that could be fun....Take care. See ya soon.

I love a feel-good ending

#Monsterdon

Ray Milland: “and I would have gotten away with it too, If it hadn’t been for you meddling kids!”

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

there's still time for fake jack the ripper to be killed by wax jack the ripper

#monsterdon #WaxMuseum1976

Oh sure, Captain Ablebodied Good-Looks to the fuckin' rescue, fuck off movie. Just fuck *right* off. >:( #Monsterdon

having the wax people really be alive at this point is arguably even worse than if it had just been like the detective killing everyone or something. they didn't earn it. you can't have a whole boring ass movie where the wax people aren't doing things and then win me back in the final five minutes by showing me a guy whose face is all wax looking when you scratch it #monsterdon

lol, authentic 'copper murdering woman' twist

#Monsterdon

Oh good, more will intrigue, excellent....

#Monsterdon

slippery sticks? SKILL ISSUE.

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

"FIVE SPICES?!"

Edwardian British heart explodes

#Monsterdon