Kay, Bye

#monsterdon

alright so all problems resolved now just for frank to become a vampire and live forever with K in their legally acquired plantation estate but it's ok because he's from around these parts #monsterdon

frank, sam, whatever

Only you can prevent vamp fires

#monsterdon

"What's the morgue got to do with it?"

What's l̶o̶v̶e̶ the morgue
Got to do
Got to do with it

#monsterdon

No one's gonna fuck of into the sea on this one are they?

#monsterdon

"How do you know in advance what's happening?!"
"I read the book."

#monsterdon

(Katie has vacated the cinema room and is now mockingly repeating lines of dialogue from the kitchen while prepping weekday lunches)

#monsterdon

it's not just me, right?

#monsterdon

i can't get over how the jailer looks a LOT like my ex-CTO

#monsterdon

wouldn't it just be easier to get about the place by turning into a mist?

Thats the nanotechnology dream!

#Monsterdon

I hereby rename my room to "Dark Oaks".

#monsterdon

"Ahh, the old drainage flume, where we made love that summer...by the swamp...."

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe some muthafuckas always trying to ice skate uphill

#monsterdon

#monsterdon So he gets the girl and eternal life?

Looks like everything's turning up Frank!

Kay is…a replicant.

Obviously.

#monsterdon

@amyfou @jivens what if you/re forever trapped in that hairstyle?

#Monsterdon

Become a vampire! gain the power of soft focus!

#monsterdon

Alucard is so non-threatening, he comes around to being threatening again.

#monsterdon

De-CAY-dent? #Monsterdon

Is he a man of Science though? Just because he smokes a pipe....

#Monsterdon

You can say the most insane shit, while holding a pipe and sound almost normal...

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe oh no! Alucard is Colonel Sanders spelled backwards!

#monsterdon

They really did just have Black people run their selfish lives for them, didn't they?
Anyway, 'Vampires'

#Monsterdon

We keep chickens in the basement, as one normally does.

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

@CactuarJoe you try burying your wife after the airlines lose your luggage

#monsterdon

@me No one cares that Kay is dead. They didn't even look at her after she dropped.

I expect the lawyer dude to show up in like 5 minutes and explain how this changes the disposition of the will.

#monsterdon

This is great and all, but when does he start hanging out with Trevor, Grant, and Sypha?

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

I'm always confused by Dracula movies where Dracula by Bram Stoker is a novel in-universe. #Monsterdon

Not sure why she stood behind him instead of getting out of the way, but her death after marrying a dead guy WAS prophesied. Guess Dracula now gets the house?

#Monsterdon

Idiot, you shot Kay through Alucard.

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

all seems to be in order, dracula has correctly and legally acquired a wife and an estate, no conflict detected, roll credits #monsterdon

Yes, I often stand at the edge of a swamp waiting for a floating box to manifest a man. 😃 I take it she’s already under his spell, but why did she have to pick him up when he could’ve flown to meet her?

#Monsterdon

She put on her finest automotive chiffon for her swamp outing.

#monsterdon

Go on, Kay, take the money and run. Get out of the South, be free. #Monsterdon

"Are you serious? Kay's my sister!"

...She is?

#Monsterdon

what if you read the will backwards

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

@jonny That crow had a 16 year career including The Wizard of Oz (Crow in Cornfield) and Arsenic and Old Lace (Graveyard Raven), impressive.

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1827306/

#monsterdon #crow

"There's no Dracula since the 19th century. There could no more be a Dracula in Hungary than our oppressive Prime Minister could be overturned in an election."

#Monsterdon

Again, Alucard is Dracula backwards, in case you missed the first time we told you.

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

He wasn’t invited in.
#Monsterdon

Count A La Carte (Alucard) provides a plethora of selections for the lady's tastes. 🤔

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula

I don't trust this man and his anti-swamp witch agenda...

Fuck Frank

#Monsterdon

Slur count: 1, so far
TO BE UPDATED
#Monsterdon

Alucard is social phobic and we need to be a little more understanding. #monsterdon

He's goin' for the old man first? That's unusual, there's a room full of debutantes downstairs. #Monsterdon

"I'll smoke a cigar before going to bed. This is completely unrelated to why I look this way at age 47"

#Monsterdon

And they do CLOSE UPS of the terrible bat puppet! #Monsterdon

"I see..."

A RUBBER BAT

#Monsterdon

"I wished you here..."

Gran, you sent me a text. I know it's hard to use a phone at your age, but it's not voodoo. #Monsterdon

Two utterance-initial uses of “say” already. I’m in discourse marker heaven! #Monsterdon #linguistics

these ladies having hair like banged up Disney concerthalls #monsterdon

Launching my #Monsterdon thread for #SonOfDracula1943, in which Dracula has a son I guess. A spooky son.

Anyway, Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and make fun of it. If you'd like to join us, follow @Taweret (the Void Chicken) for the weekly poll!

If old monster movie posts are not your thing then you might want to mute the hash tag to avoid seeing 9999+ posts from me and everyone else about Dracula and his son.

@log @Taweret I didn't realise felt puppetry was an option....now that I do....

#Monsterdon

@jonny

This shows why you shouldn't let women travel and get corrupted by foreign woke ideals.

#Monsterdon
#SonOfDracula1943

Welp that was the first time I seriously thought about ditching a third of the way through

I guess the only good thing about it is, despite the setting, it wasn’t as overtly racist as the first five minutes made it seem it would be? But that may be because it dropped nearly all black characters in favor of white characters who oscillated wildly between reciting their lines directly from the stage directions and playing it entirely straight to doing the same with exposition to ?????
#Monsterdon

And now for something completely different... its...
Son of Dracula . . . 1974
#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1974

Frank fixed Everything. With Fire.
#monsterdon

Yep, that's a cop

#monsterdon

#monsterdon THERE IS WATER RIGHT THERE!

hey, it's a Vamp-Fire, amirite?

#monsterdon

I can't get over how distracting the sheriff's pocket watch is. I don't want to look at it. I don't want to at all! But I can't look away.

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe Oh yeah. Lon Chaney is definitely playing the third wheel to Kay and Franks actors. He's just so bad in comparison.
#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

There's no silver bullet to this plotline, so to speak. #monsterdon

After some vampiric seductive frank is like "sure I'll be a vampire too!" but then kate is like "okay but first you have to kill dracula while you're a human, you can do this by walking in the daylight, which vampires can't do. after that I'll vampirify you!"

#monsterdon

@OliviaVespera #monsterdon

Summary: This foreign guy moved into town and all the locals are persecuting him.

Frank I married Dracula. But I want to shtup you instead. You can be in our polycule. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Frank is a little bit slow.

"Count Alucard is Count Dracula!"

Shouldn't it be Tnuoc Dracula?

#Monsterdon

All these old white guys deciding the sisters' fates 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

"You there--have your sister incinerated because I say so"

"And you, never mind that you CHOSE to become a vampire, you're toast."

#Monsterdon 🦇 #SonOfDracula

is that guy a doctor and he's just smoking a pipe and discussing plans to kill vampires while treating a knocked out kid? #monsterdon

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

I painted over the puncture wounds on your kids neck. That'll be $9000. #monsterdon

who is this kid?????? #monsterdon

The scariest thing so far is that the professor carries a little cross around with him at all times. Weird.

#monsterdon #sonofdracula1943

Not a single New Orleans accent in the whole film?!

#monsterdon #sonofdracula1943

"de-KAY-dent"? Odd pronunciation.

#monsterdon

The Doctor invites the Hungarian professor from the vampire hotline over to his study so they can smoke pipes and talk about vampires.

Which actually seems kind of fun. I should try that some time - hold a "talk about vampires" party. I don't smoke though, so maybe I could get a pipe that blows soap bubbles. That would be classy.

#monsterdon

Heh. Puts the cross away like, "...Bitch." #Monsterdon

Where's Peter Cushing when you need him. #Monsterdon

Failson of Dracula

#monsterdon #sonofdracula1943

Shouldn't that scene end with a gasp and a realisation that she's still warm?

#monsterdon

Too much talking, too little throat sucking

#monsterdon #sonofdracula1943

@moira legit

#Monsterdon

Oh wait now instead of dead, Kate seems to be fine and is in bed, probably because vampirism. Anyway she announces that her and Alucard will be cool science hermits now and not talk to the other characters (Frank and Claire). Not talking to Frank at least sounds like a good idea.

And the investigator guy is like "okay I'll be leaving now". And Alucard then tells "I run this house now and tresspassers will be shot (blood drained)!"

#monsterdon

This dracula is about as scary as a vice principal that everyone knows is about to be fired. #monsterdon

lol, every girl wants their wedding to be quiet and alone, even without legal witnesses....

#Monsterdon

Wow it's like the dialogue takes a 10 minute cigarette break every 5 minutes
#monsterdon

"I shot her twice!" Well, that makes it worse.

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

Oh wait I missed the goofiest tragic part. The bullets hit Kate while she was *behind* Alucard.

That only makes sense if Alucard has no physical mass? Like maybe he's really always a bat and just projects a human form?

#monsterdon

I've seen worse bats on strings in Monsterdon movies....

#Monsterdon

Then the other guy who we're supposed to like but don't shows up and said "I know ur seeing Alucard Kate!" and she's like 'sry buddy we're married and will goth babies now!"

And then he's like "Alucard I will arrest you for unclear crimes" and then Alucard vampires punches him and so he shoots Alucard with his hidden gun but it does nothing because vampirism makes you bulletproof.

#monsterdon

TEAM DRACULA! That other dude is a total schmuck #Monsterdon

girlfriend, your’re supposed to side-piece and bang the migrant in the cape with the funny accent, not marry them

#monsterdon #SonOfDracula

@trixter no wonder he's interested in the south

#monsterdon

Oh no

Dracula, Race Scientist

#monsterdon

oh snap!

the vampire glides on water, outdoing JC’s famous magic trick

#monsterdon #SonOfDracula

Yes, Alucard will never notice we opened his trunks with a crowbar.

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

Yeah, people with Count in their name love it when you violate their sovereignty.

#monsterdon

Lamp's got smallpox. #Monsterdon

oh no, selling the ... plantation

not the plantation

anything but the plantation

#Monsterdon