The only recognizable actor in this film can't even keep the dog's attention with his act

#monsterdon

this really is the 'River Of Divorced Male Drunks" isn't it?

America's Future

#monsterdon

Okay so we decided that we need to get the weird guy to a hospital because he hurt his head, so we're gonna use a tiny wood raft to float him to the hospital. Meanwhile, we switch to Fishing Vest Guy's daughter, who is a child at summer camp splashing her feet into the water. She's scared of swimming in the river water, because there might be monsters in the water. #monsterdon

lol @ a gathering of blonde children in a Monsterdon movie

FRESH MEAT!

#monsterdon

"Is this your racing car bed?"
"Are you a fan of Joe Rogan?"

#monsterdon

This lady looks for clues like a raccoon looks for junk food

#monsterdon

🦖 That mini-Godzilla was very cutely Harryhausen-esque #Piranha1978 🐟 #Monsterdon

Okay, so we're now snooping around the secret test site, which seems to be in remarkably good order and well maintained, the lady shouting at random for the missing teenagers and Fishing Vest Guy carrying around a thermos of presumably booze. They discover an aquarium that was probably used for breeding killer fish, and then we stop to stare at a little godzilla fish in a different aquarium before deciding the place is creepy and leaving. #monsterdon

What was THAT? #monsterdon

that goggie better not get eaten by the demon fish

#Monsterdon #Piranha

John Sayles? the John Sayles?!?!?!

#Monsterdon #Piranha

OK so, to begin with, why are there piranhas in a swimming pool?!?!?!

also, funny that the opening song is basically a dirge.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

@CactuarJoe lol "we gotta put up a better sign" #monsterdon

"Dick Miller" sounds like a speciality move in gay porn

#monsterdon

A piranha jumps out to grab their clothes and remove any evidence

#monsterdon

#monsterdon So they trespassed on a fish farm full of carnivorous fishes. I do not see anything amiss here. Stupidity was answered directly by evolution and consequences.

Seriously though, a pool in an abandoned military site, you fucking idiot

#monsterdon

This is going to begin with them getting eaten while skinny dipping, right?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Welcome one and all to Piranha from 1978! We're all set, the time has come. So far, the music vibes are atmospheric, and the fog is a nice touch.

I can't believe there was a novelisation of this movie and it took the time to mention that the two main characters had sex at some point.
A human mind was forced to create that. They didn't have the Plagiarism Machine back then.

#monsterdon

@floatybirb @blogdiva White AND red #monsterdon

@Lazarou yeah, she earned herself a place in Sto'Vo'Kor with her surprise heroic arc in the camp scene; that was a nice addition. #monsterdon

@paco honestly, this explains so much about America....

#monsterdon

@wulfric I will second the motion. Flying Fish of Fury sound like a winsome combo. #monsterdon

@nev I'm a stop motion dinosaur guy truther

#ReleaseTheStopMotionDinosaur

#Monsterdon

"We'll simply destroy all equatic life within a 10 mile radius. It's the only way to be sure."

#Monsterdon

Whichever one of these fellas decided to make the piranhas sound like bees should have gotten an award.

#Monsterdon #Piranha #🐟

I guess that explains all the Texas references, too - they weren't just trying to make it seem they were in Texas, they *really were* in Texas.

#Monsterdon #Piranha1978 #BiteyFish

…and ending with an ocean white noise effect that I want to loop on my sleep app #monsterdon

I want the fish attacking sound effect for my soundboard.
blblblblbl
#Monsterdon

Why do these fish make that absurd sound? I don't care how much the military altered them, no fish sounds like that #monsterdon

never did quite find out what happened to OUR BEAUTIFUL BOY from the lab tho, did we? #monsterdon

Credits! "Man in boat"? Do you know how little that narrows it down?

#Monsterdon

@lytta Yep! He got knocked into the water during the attack in the boat-heavy area

#Piranha #Monsterdon

BEWARE

blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl

#monsterdon

the piranha fucked off into the sea!!!

ty for joining, everyone!

#monsterdon

and ty to @DMX for joining for the first time!

SHE WAS A PIRANHA THE WHOLE TIME #monsterdon

there's nothing left to fear
brbrbrbr over the ocean
... okay, that was good though.
#monsterdon

go on Dick Miller, punch those media ghouls

#monsterdon

Hoorror, death... Film at 11 only on 13!

#monsterdon

pollution saved the day! thanks pollution! #monsterdon

the piranha look like CGI from Birddemic
#monsterdon

#monsterdon "We'll pollute the bastards to death" Possibly the only more American solution to a problem than shooting it.

#monsterdon We should crowdfund getting McKeown a stopwatch. Those were not seconds she was counting. This dude is going to drown.

Now he's stealing a motor boat, what an adventure!

"We'll pollute the bastards to death"

How 70s

#monsterdon

The solution is pirana dilution is pollution!

#Piranha #Monsterdon

Hey #monsterdon help me decide what this bitey fish carnage scene is

It must have been so fun to be an extra

Half of you get randomly sprayed with fake blood, and then you all go ape shit for 10 minutes

#Monsterdon

Why is the control shack underwater, other than for plot reasons?

#Monsterdon #Piranha1978 #BiteyFish

Shoutout to the guys who got paid to wiggle a rubber fish model against people's underwater feet :D #Monsterdon

@ricci one already did and bit the camp manager’s face

#Monsterdon #Piranha

Oh wow that dead guy bobbing to the surface was so ridiculously fake, I love it!

#Monsterdon #Piranha

The Colonel bit it.

#monsterdon

oh okay or a boat jump and explosion lmao that's impressive let's just tick that square off right now then

cmon beach umbrella, take me home!

#Monsterdon

am ok with rivers, after all, my orisha is Oshun. i detest lakes. they’re just landlocked aquariums and am not into having fish nibble at my feet.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

Fun fact: Boats explode RIGHT before impact #monsterdon

We're introduced to new characters, Team Jetski... there's like some bikini babes driving a yacht with a jet ski guy behind them in what I assume is complicated rich people foreplay. Then we are introduced to Team Scuba Diving, who I think are doing ominous army things and not fun jet ski things. Maybe, I dunno. It looks they're getting eaten by the bitey fish. #monsterdon

@jonny gen x ftw #monsterdon

#monsterdon Well, there's the divers in diving suits mixing up how you're supposed to enter the water. My exact Bingo card suggestion. JFC. Okay.

and the brunette camp counselor is playing the part of the Black guy in this very white 1970s movie

#Monsterdon #Piranha

Dagnabbit! Why did HE get to live?!? #Piranha1978 🐟 #Monsterdon https://mastodon.social/@SesameSquirrel/113897959021674994

This really was the era of short shorts and tits, wasn't it?

#monsterdon

We also get a partial redemption arc for the dude counselor who helps rescue people from the fish. The fish still eat some of the children. Then fishing vest guy shows up on the scene and starts looking for his daughter while the main girl calls on the phone to I guess summon superman, or maybe batman, to fight the fish. Oh wait, no, she's calling the texas hat guy, who ignores her.

#monsterdon

Loving Dick Miller's flamboyant pink neckwear and his confident masculinity to pull it off

#monsterdon

This is not a crank call isn't the best intro to a public warning

#monsterdon

Dragged under by six half-ounce fish, there's that waifish 70s build for you. #Monsterdon

Alarmed by this whirrling carnage, the swim shy lady emerges from under her canoe hiding place and starts trying to push her canoe in the water to rescue her friends and/or enemies. She fails, because the canoe is big and she is small, so she instead gets and inflatable boat and starts her rescue operation. The children she's trying to rescue are mostly dangling on top of inner tubes trying not to be eaten by fish when she paddles by them.

#monsterdon

That scene was what tentacles wanted the regata to be

#Piranha #Monsterdon

an extended scene of children screaming as they are eaten alive in little bites #monsterdon

They can only have 1 scene where children are being eaten alive, and they're playing it out for all it's worth

#monsterdon

Mean camp counselor DID jump in to save kids even after a piranha bit his face while he was on shore, you gotta hand it to him there

#Monsterdon

@Taweret@octodon.social #monsterdon
Me too. The fish didn’t start all this.

@Louisa #monsterdon this movie doesn’t f around!

#monsterdon It'd be a hilarious gag if a seagull came down from the aimless shot to begin the swimming tournament. The twist is that the seagull had a touch of bird flu, and it was the only pathogen remaining that the Piranha weren't prepared for.

If I had stolen a Police car I'd be all sirens blaring for the audacity....

#monsterdon

that’s the ashiest of legs i’ve seen. man is definitely not one with moisturizers

#Monsterdon #Piranha

@jonny I learned a good rumor today! #monsterdon

I guess our main character's plan to escape the military industrial complex has failed, because they're in jail, and even see a Cool-S graffitied on the wall. Fortunately, the main girl has a plan, she tells a long story about a plumber who liked to flash people, so she smashes a toilet and asks the warden to look at it, which he does, because he's a sucker, and she knocks him out and steals his keys. she's annoyed that she has to take his pants off, so they escape with eh pants. #monsterdon

"All woman are whores" the Divorced Drunk Man

#monsterdon

OMG #Piranha1978 🐟 #Monsterdon The blond camp counselor *IS* Melody Thomas Scott a\k\a Nikki Reed Newman Abbott on THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS

Oh no! Kirsten Dunst! Don’t go! #monsterdon #piranha1978

And that, ladies and gentlemen was your promised jump-scare with the caterpillar there

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Hot cut to a monster scene. I love that bit.

I wish my kids camp had a theremin.

#monsterdon

Look at those epaulets and badge

Very "security guard"

#monsterdon

Everyone falls asleep reading #monsterdon #piranha1978

you gotta rally the local police and stop the swarms of militarized super fish

its your job

#monsterdon

@moira He seems to have stopped drinking for the past few hours at least

#Piranha #Monsterdon

"He thinks I'm drunk!"
"Well, you ARE drunk!"
"Yeah, but not _drunk_ drunk!"

#piranha #monsterdon

An army platoon of all Boomhauers

#Monsterdon

Pirana do not exist. Any comments to the contrary are commie propaganda

#Piranha #Monsterdon

“The lives of the fishes outweigh the lives of the fish food“ -Spock

#monsterdon #piranha1978

"I'm not afraid. I'm a scientist."

A+ dialogue, no notes.

#piranha #monsterdon

"Join the Army, hurl meat into a river.....jeez....."

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Oh my, a whole military convoy??

Are they...

...are they going to shoot the fish..?

For a committed woods-based alcoholic he sure can run fast

#monsterdon

The scale of this disaster now requires military interfishen

#monsterdon
#Piranha

@annathepiper how can they eat the raft, man! They’re animals! #monsterdon #piranha1978

The fish hate their raft!
Fish: "fuck that raft"
#Monsterdon #Piranha