DID I JUST SEE SOME HARRY HARRIHAUSENESQUE CREATURE JUST WALKING ACROSS THE SCREEN?

#Monsterdon #Piranha

#monsterdon The animated Harryhausen model is still wandering around I bet. Lonely. Confused. Wondering if its SAG card is still good, or if there is anything left of the craft services table after the PIranha got to it!

#monsterdon _Wow_. The filmmakers managed to find a way to work in a boat jump _and_ a fuel explosion, on a pretext thinner than wet crepe paper. We are watching masters at work here tonight.

She has a certain Nancy Drew energy that I appreciate. #monsterdon

I can't get over Mastodon Child not wanting to fit in with the sport people, being vindicated for that, then rising to the moment when everyone else was flailing.

Inspiring, in a cheap B movie way!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Sir, the piranhas."

"What ABOUT the piranhas?!"

"They're eating the guests, sir."

OSCAR NOM
OSCAR NOM

#BiteyFish

@strangefour #monsterdon #piranha1978

only gringos go hiking in the middle of nowhere and checking out grock knows what in the dark.

my number 1 take about these movies it’s it involves the kind of people for whom the world is an adventure because violence only happens to others.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

That was the good stuff. By which I mean, my preferred kind of terrible. Thanks, #monsterdon!

you can’t just bury the old man like he’s evidence of crimes.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

#monsterdon OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT STOP-MOTION HOMUNCULUS

this is already so much better than I had dared hope

someone called this dude Lake Bob Vila and i cannot stop laughingn

#Monsterdon #Piranha

This plot is amazingly coherent for a #monsterdon flick.

#monsterdon As soon as the camp kids in this scene got through the first three words of "boys are made of greasy grimy gopher guts" @k8eb immediately began singing along. I don't think she was staring straight at me while doing so but I refused to look in her direction to confirm.

#monsterdon I'm likely irked that someone spent all that money on a stop-action model of a monster, and it was only on-camera for a moment, and then we never saw it again! All that work, for nothing.

Classic 'fuck off into the sea' ending.

#monsterdon

The child wanting to read comics and not do physical things is all of Mastodon

#monsterdon

"they're eating him!" Child speaks uncomfortable truth. ✅ #monsterdon

#monsterdon #piranha1978 #piranha

My favourite fact about weaponised animals in History is the moment they get a chance to, the animals break for freedom, demonstrating their intelligence.

#monsterdon

it’s for my kids’ generation of kids, so it means it was made for MY generation of parents, so am gonna watch some Phineas and Ferb as a palate cleanser.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

#monsterdon It's a lazy river buffet of long pig. So many extras achieved their solid weight loss goals while working for this production! Most saw a loss of 50 pounds, if not MORE. In MOMENTS. Ask your doctor if Piranha in your freshwater streams is right for you, and your child-free community.

The piranhas having that 'Aliens:They cut the power, how did they do that?!' moment

Bravo my little aquatic velociraptors, the Time of Man is over.

#monsterdon

Gah. I rented a copy of the movie with no subtitles and I can't understand a fookin word coming outta his mouth. #monsterdon

Aquarena Springs is in San Marcos, TX. The swimming hole was 40 miles away, in Wimberley, TX, according to this forum thread from 2008 about the filming locations for Piranha: https://www.filmboards.com/t/Piranha/Filming-locations-for-Piranha---a-detailed-look!-1663361/

I am in central Texas and should check out some of the Piranha and Texas Chainsaw Massacre filming locations sometime.

#Monsterdon #Piranha1978 #BiteyFish

*wild cheering*

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon "Of course if any of them did get into the ocean, they would not survive the salt water." _Dr. Mengers stares straight down the camera_ "There's nothing left to fear."

AND THAT'S A (ship)WRECK! A significant fraction of mutant killer fish have fucked off into the sea, Paul and McKeown are left to nurse their wounds, no dogs were eaten but a lot of people were.

That was _exactly_ what I needed after last week! Thank you, @Taweret@octodon.social, for another delightful Sunday evening!!

The wanted to have the claymation at the end, a giant one but couldn't afford it

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Colonel pulled off the barge and thrown into the piranha water! Moral insult repaid. Not a particularly gruesome death, just... a normal amount of gruesome. Chomped to death by his own military project, at the launch event of his illicit resort investment scam. What poetic justice!

Apparently the swimming pig was one of the attractions at Aquarena Springs in real life. #Monsterdon #Piranha1978 #BiteyFish

https://texashillcountry.com/aquarena-springs-san-marcos-pictures/

#monsterdon 1978, these kids are all #GenX now. DOES THIS EXPLAIN US BETTER? ;)

[frogs intensify] #monsterdon

LMAO i don’t kill people, am a scientist… paid for by the military-industrial complex. you get to squat on a military base to play god with your demon fish.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

I was expecting skeletonized legs after all that

#monsterdon #piranha1978

i swear, if the doggie gets eaten am gonna turn the tv off and scold at it, verily

#Monsterdon #Piranha

In an unexpected twist, after the title sequence we see a science lady playing a 1970s arcade game, where she is guiding a monochrome pixel shark around a CRT screen, in the days before computers ruled the world.

Then I realize that I was confused and she might not actually be a science lady, just a lady in a white coat that looked very scientific to me. Also, probably not all scientists wear lab coats, science is a thing all the peoples can do. #monsterdon

@blogdiva I did find it notable that all the characters in this #monsterdon were white.

I award this movie 4/5 strangely whirling bitey fish. It was probably bad, but in a fun way. I am sad we didn't see the fish goblins again, but it gets +1 for having aquatic shenanigans, which is usually a thing I am here for. River adventures with deadly mutant fish, a winning combo I say.

As expected with most #monsterdon movies, the characters were mostly just there, but did have something of personalities sometimes.

And any surviving fish fucked off into the ocean.

That was a better and (intentionally) funnier movie than I was expecting.

#Piranha #Monsterdon

"What the hell are you filming?"

If it bleeds, it leads, next question?

#Piranha #Monsterdon

(George Lucas Voice) You see, Flannel Man's backstory is that he couldn't work at a steel plant because it was killing fish, so his super power is killing fish. And now he has to use his fish killing super powers to save everyone. It's like poetry, it rhymes!" #monsterdon

@ramsey ok, fair.

I've been shopping for groceries since Kevin McCarthy's corpse go thrown overboard and not really paying CLOSE attention 😆

Totally agree about profiteering colonel though 👎🏼 #Piranha1978 🐟 #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Colonel Waxman, muttering under his breath: "stupid cow"

Dear film, you could also choose to overlay a graphic that says "THIS CHARACTER IS ABOUT TO BE EATEN BY A SCHOOL OF MUTANT PIRANHA", that is also an option open to you at this moment

Now I understand why kids who saw this were traumatized

#monsterdon

So many blonde children, it's like the GOP's wet dream.

Taking the side of the Piranhas to defeat White Supremacy

#monsterdon

and people wonder why we give phones to our kids now that we can

#Monsterdon #Piranha

the invisible hand of the military industrial complex has arrived with a fake british accent.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

Just a typical scene in America, Man, Woman, child, dead body, paddling down the river....

#monsterdon

So far this movie is shaping to be an aesop related to 1) government accountability and 2) good communication. Meaning, try to stop the government from breeding evil bitey fish for no reason, and, if you work for the bitey fish breeding government, then be sure to say "Excuse me, please do not drain the pool, that will release monsters that will kill all of us" when someone is trying to drain your bitey fish pool, instead of "Waaaaagh You Fools!" #monsterdon

girlfriend, of course he’s tense. he doesn’t like to people and you're making him people.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

a fish standing up like it’s people?

eeeeeeek!

#Monsterdon #Piranha

Eager to solve this Ocean Mystery, the Main Lady decides to drain the secret test site's swimming pool to see if we can find a body. As they do so, another weird guy appears out of nowhere and tries to kill them, but loses the JRPG battle and is knocked out.

Victorious, we inspect the drained pool and find some creepy bones at the bottom. Then the guy we thought was knocked out stole the Fishing Vest Guy's car, then crashes it because he's sleepy. #monsterdon

Well I would say this whole scene was a failure of communication and boundaries

#monsterdon

After being grumpy, which was considered romantic in 20th century movies, Fishing Vest Guy gives the Main Girl some NPC lore, namely that there was a secret army test site in the area. She then cajoles him into giving her a ride with his non-burning car to go check out the secret army site the unfortunate teenagers may have disappeared to. #monsterdon

"Did my ex-wife send you?"

camera pans back to a very Divorced Man's shack

#monsterdon

In real life military test sites don't have cool things like mutant fish or rogue cyborgs, just carcinogens.

This couple is dead

#monsterdon

Just guessing here, but we probably shouldn’t get too attached to these two young people. #monsterdon

GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO

#Monsterdon #Piranha

@Zerofactorial The bitey fish movie was definitely a movie where you have to name your own characters.

I mean I do that for every #monsterdon, but I think for this one everyone else had to do it too?

So, the victims of the bitey fish at the resort are laid out and receiving medical care from emergency services and the army mooks and a news reporter is reporting on it with the Snappiest Headline since the Hindenburg exploded over Lakehurst New Jersey.

The Texan guy is wandering around being sad and mad that people are filming his disaster. A different news guy is interviewing the Actual Science Lady, who ominously tells us that the fish are dead; there's Nothing Left to Fear. #monsterdon

"Yank me out at high speed through the glass, it's fine"

#monsterdon

i hate that the piranhas sound like a swarm of cicadas with a sore throat

#Monsterdon #Piranha

And with that SCARY jump scare face, I finally found bingo. 😁#monsterdon

"Sir, the guests are being eaten." and "We've got a bit of a situation here." are pretty stand out lines for this movie. #monsterdon

It's really funny that the bitey fish make this goofy whirling noise before they eat people. And slightly amusing watching the extras flail around as they pretend to be eaten.

I think I'd make a good extra for this movie; I can flail around in the water and pretend to be eaten; that's a good movie job for me. #monsterdon

The fish finally realized they could eat more than 1 person at a time #monsterdon #piranha1978

my dad had one of those phones in a suitcase also a portable tv in a suitcase

#Monsterdon #Piranha

#monsterdon RIP Betsie, she was great at faking knee injuries and being eaten dramatically by fish

americans obsessions with summer camps is so Deutsche-Amerikanische Berufsgemeinschaft

There Were American Nazi Summer Camps Across the US in the 1930s - https://gizmodo.com/how-american-nazis-used-summer-camps-to-indoctrinate-th-1743267747

#Monsterdon #Piranha

#monsterdon Someone queue up the entire “Be Our Guest" routine from Beauty and the Beast. Except, the fish are the guests, the kids are the yummy buffet… that's epic.

#monsterdon I feel like this film is being a bit unfair to camp administrators. To a camper they may have seemed dictatorial but in my experience they're mostly just underpaid, untrained, and terrified of a kid inventing some new way of injuring themselves.

that’s the cleanest prison i’ve ever seen

#Monsterdon #Piranha

Just because the meat dissolved doesn't mean piranhas, some of those rivers are full of all kinds of shit in the name of Capitalism

I don't think that's how the Military operates, "you saw everything, join our team friends!"

#monsterdon

"I can't believe the Government would kill innocent people?!"

Bless

#monsterdon

OPERATION RAZOR TEETH?!?

Secret projects never have a name that indicates what they are actually doing.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon MONSTER CHOMP

Awww, poor Brandy's Human. He was a little rough around the edges but he seemed mostly OK. Well, not anymore, I guess. #teamBiteyFish

dumbass leaves the keys in the Jeep. they obviously didn’t grow up with a Puerto Rican mom.

#Monsterdon #Piranha

Bechdel #piranha1978 #monsterdon

so far they've trespassed on a secured federal facility, broken research equipment, and unlawfully detained someone. How many felonies is that? #monsterdon

Because 1970s #monsterdon movies love nonsensical scene changes that let them introduce stupid numbers of characters that the audience will quickly forget, we are introduced to two Bearded Gentleman, the older one of whom I shall call Straw Hat man and the younger who I will call Fishing Vest Man.

When we meet them, Straw Hat man is towing his little wagon around and greeting the Fishing Vest Man, who has alcohol, which is less cool than the Straw Hat Guy's Dog. Dogs are neat.

Okay, so assuming that I loaded the right movie, this #monsterdon starts with a couple of white people hiking at night, and they decide to break into the ocean, which is locked up in this movie, in order to splash in the water, get naked and make out. Seems reasonable I guess.

The guy wonders if this is a secret sewage treatment plant, but then is distracted by nipples and so the splashing begins, only to be interrupted by an ominous bite Probably From an Evil Fish! Oh no evil fish!

@diazona @astroPug @roque yeah with #monsterdon I feel like I have my hands full just trying to watch the silly movie and shitpost at the same time. Trying to do work at the same time sounds like an extreme multitasking challenge.

@ramsey @floatybirb again, that feels very Mastodon, lol

#monsterdon

blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblb

#monsterdon

@Zerofactorial I don't remember any character names, but I think the scene where the girl counselor talks to the daughter about her fear of the water pushes the bitey fish movie across the Bechdel test line. #monsterdon

Thanks for herding the carnivorous fish with evil Barbara Steele, @Taweret@octodon.social , even though I am bitterly disappointed that Heather Meanzies-Urich/Louisa von Trapp/Maggie The Skip Tracer WHO CAUSED THIS CHAOS did not even get nibbled on like poor Bad Dillman #Piranha1978 🐟 #Monsterdon

That ending line O_O #monsterdon #piranha1978

OH! this is one of those American man-made lakes?

#Monsterdon #Piranha

Film at 11?!?
#monsterdon

Okay, so the Fishing Vest Guy has his nuclear option... which is leak some slag from the old steel plant tanks that will kill the fish with the power of pollution. Captain Planet would be mad, but he is Not in this movie; if he were, the planeteers could probably have saved the day earlier with their magic rings. Unfortunately, the "ultra pollute" button is underwater, so he has to swim to reach it, which is accompanied by rather nice ethereal music.

#monsterdon

This rope should protect me! #monsterdon #piranha1978

what is this psycho woman doing to the water-ski guy?!?!?!

#Monsterdon #Piranha

so the coronel gets eaten after calling that lady a cow, right?

#Monsterdon #Piranha

#monsterdon Boats get air! Cop cars get air! River swimmers GET AIR! From thrashing and being nibbled to death! YAY!!! What we are here for, finally! EAT PEOPLE! GO BITEY FISHIES!

To think of the ridiculous amounts of plot wankers had to get through just to see some bikini tits.....thank fuck for the Internet

Why are there frogmen?

#monsterdon

Getting the most out of stolen police car, who hasn't dreamed of such an adventure?!

#monsterdon

characters so far in this #monsterdon

team schmuck:
main girl
fishing vest guy (now just in flannel, without the vest)

team summer camp:
girl counselor
boy counselor
daughter with surprisingly relevant fear of fish

team army:
colonel big hat
actual science lady
army mooks (many)

team blood puddle:
horny teens (RIP)
straw hat guy (RIP)
weird science guy (RIP)
fishing dad (RIP)

team fish:
evil bitey fish (protagonists)
gojirafish
cute amphibifish (will we ever see them again?

#monsterdon This jaunty string music during the (very, very awkward) crane shot of a crowd is bringing me right back to that improbably long scene in Tentacles (1977) at the regatta

#monsterdon #piranha1978

This is why American jails have those scary cybertruck toilets now, isn't it?

#monsterdon