Next time on Bronze Dance Party

#Monsterdon

She's so posh
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The name of the ship is the Argo == The name of the planet is Krull

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

"Princesses are always betraying their families for good looking strangers and it never did them any good in the end."

#Monsterdon
#JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

I wish Hecate were voiced by Kathy Burke

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that key loop wasn't very secure at all. #Monsterdon #JasonandtheArgonauts 🍿🎥

@rebeld The real monsters were the Argonauts we met along the way.
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Oh, so they’re there to steal it and cause a genocide? Well, down with them. Jason and the Argonauts are the baddies.

#Monsterdon

Well, this an awkward party.

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Wow, they're pretty moody here

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

I guess Hecate failed to tell them the part where Jason is there to steal their fleece

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

is that guy captain picard or what #monsterdon

Well, this does not seem like a quality tourist information service.

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Dammit. I am king of the gods and I still get ads!?
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Same makeup they used on Goldfinger #monsterdon

Will these men do a dance now?

Showtunes?

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Bitchin temple composite. #monsterdon

Thanks, @cherizilla.

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#JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

Star Trek aesthetics are all over this film. Or vice versa. #Monsterdon

Don't do it Jason! The she'll want to see YOURS!

#Monsterdon
#JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

OK, William Ware Theiss, come out come out wherever you are

#Monsterdon

*scribbling furiously in a notebook labelled Professional Leadership Ideas* accuse... my team... of treachery with murderous intent... and yeet them... into the sea

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Weirdly short underwater fight scene cut due to camera failure??? #monsterdon

This conversation escalated quickly

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@jonny He did offer to steer that one time

although I guess he didn't

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Where are they getting all of these clothes? #monsterdon

#monsterdon Mostly the rocks are both plaid and paisley. You know, clashing…

quick men, save the girl, ignore the dude hanging onto the rafters
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"Chicks ahoy!"

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What do you mean Zeus, your whole shtick is punishing every disloyalty

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

So, uh.

Who the hell was that?
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Big scene with BIG POSEIDON and all I can think is, boy, this soundtrack would sure sound different if the Argonaut crew were Celtic guys and keeping time with sea shanties rather than one dude with a drum.

#Monsterdon

"What ever you do, don't tickle his underarm as you go through!"

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WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T POKE HIS ARMPIT, HE'S TICKLISH AS HELL

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

Katie is accusing the oar cadence drummer of "doing it wrong".

(Is there a specific name for that drummer? We must have some rowers in this monsterdon crew, don't we?)

#monsterdon

another drummer who can't keep time

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

#monsterdon I don't believe in NUS’es... Nets of Unusual Size… I doubt they exist! *whoosh*

If this boat’s rockin, there’s no back turnin’

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

"Are we going through?"

"Yes. Waitaminute. No."

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

Is this ship OSHA* compliant?

*United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

I love this old dude who’s basically always in his tighty whiteys on the ship.

#Monsterdon

I bet the gods enhanced the acoustics of this canyon

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Everyone prepare for an easy stroke on this ship of entirely men.

I have no comment on this.
#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA AND THE ARGOS ⛵🌊

"Argonauts" Location Scouting Summary

🔹Greece: Too "bleak and gray"
🔹Yugoslavia: Too corrupt
🔹Italy (just outside of Palermo): Perfect!

#JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

"Beware of the Clashing Rocks!"
"How will we recognize them?"
"They'll be wearing checkered shirts, striped pants and orange and pink accessories."

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Bingo!

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonBingo #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Okay where the fuck did they get ripe bananas?

#Monsterdon

We learn the dude who can't have a snack without bat women attacking him is Phinneas, who was blinded for misusing the use of prophecy and the gods sent harpies to deny him of snacks.

Jason and friends come to visit him and they are all wearing snazzy new outfits for some reason. Phinneas explains his predicament, does a blasphemy and then agrees to help them if they'll rid him of the harpies.

#monsterdon

MASTER OF HARPIES IS PULLING YOUR WIIIIINGS!

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

"gods be merciful to you"

probably not, if the run time is any indication.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Don't build a cage. Kill them. #monsterdon

Aww. The harpies are stealing the homeless dude's food and clothes. Yup. Sounds like something Melania would do. #monsterdon

Where the heck did that amount of netting come from?
#monsterdon

No, no, no. You put up the mosquito netting before the mosquitoes come out. #Monsterdon

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this video of a flying bat woman attacking an old guy who is just trying to have a snack at his favorite bistro, the ruined temple.

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"These are dream films... you are not trying to make it realistic... you certainly don't tell artists to make photographic copies of a landscape, that is why stop motion is so useful, it helps provide the dream-like illusion. Like King Kong..... it gives that never-never-land quality, which is a great addition."

-Ray

#monsterdon

Also, Jason has used up his last Hera token and can no longer bother the figurehead for advice. The figurehead is now just there to leer at the boys as they row the boat.

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It's fine. Zeus was chill with Hercules freeing Prometheus, so he'll probably be okay with taking out the harpies

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

"We'll make you master of the Harpies!"
"What, we're getting Fox News started so soon?"

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That thunder is just Zeus agreeing
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@SnoopJ yeah that's what i thought, that like there wasn't the manichaean good v evil thing so much as like "playing the hand you're dealt and listening up when something more powerful than you comes around and tells you what to do" #monsterdon

"throw a thunderbolt"

okay. *boom*

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Scenes with the flying demons would make a cool Metallica video. #monsterdon

"sin"

lol I do love it when milquetoast christian themes are crudely laid over Ancient Greek mythology

#Monsterdon

After killing the giant robot, we get a building montage where we use carpentry to resurrect our rowboat.

Pretty sure some of the tools were anachronistic (for both the bronze age and classical era) but we did see some mortises and tenons.

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...So is there gonna be any context to this or are we just watching a couple of harpies harrassing a disabled man, like, freelance style? #Monsterdon

@Taweret He just needs to remind the harpies how many carbs are in the bread

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Guy is fortunate the orchestra is around to tell him the sudden arrival of a bunch of hot bird ladies is a bad thing.

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These creatures tormenting the blind dude are very Ableist, let him eat!

Oh they've taken his stick now!

#Monsterdon

then hercules goes off to do the two movies we watched last time

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The giant robot's weakness is the hatch in his heel, which you can unscrew, causing hot kool-aid to flow out of it, which deflates the robot and causes him to choke, then crack, then fall down, then shatter.

I'm not sure why the hatch needed to be in one of his heels, you'd think somewhere less accessible would be better, but I am not a bronze age giant robot designer yet.

#monsterdon

we were, all along, the best man among us

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

I don't mean to be a backseat adventurer, but Jason man you've used ALL of your wishes before the movie's half over! #Monsterdon

@bunnyhero or like Flattus Asa Pancakeus even

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It was all Hercules fault though....

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Good luck getting warranty service on Talos...

#Monsterdon
#JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

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I love a good ship-building montage

RIP to Hercules's twink.
#Monsterdon #JasonandtheArgonauts

@hollie Easily confused with a manhole cover

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Rowboat 0
Bronze Robot 1

RIP Argo you will be missed.

#monsterdon

Just stand there while he defeats you. No big. #monsterdon

It's steam powered? Who woulda thought

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#JasonandtheArgonauts

"Fight Talos with your wits"

:ohno: We're doomed

#Monsterdon

Somehow a whispering Hera head is even creepier than a talking one. Like ASMR uncanny valley worst of both worlds.
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there should be more movies where a giant robot chases a rowboat.

#monsterdon

@JoeWynne maybe Daimajin? Daiei's giant statue on a rampage movie.
#Monsterdon #JasonandtheArgonauts

"Fight telos with your wits... Uhh actually... In your case maybe just run."
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Water does not scale to miniature sizes, that or droplets used to be the size of yoga balls. #monsterdon

I switched off not long after this last time. So I don't actually know what happens past the next terrifying talking Hera head scene. #monsterdon

"The secret is that we film the background first and then reduce it to such a degree that when you rephotograph it with the model, it gives this gigantic perspective and size!"

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Whatever you do, don't look up!

#Monsterdon

"Yeah...and don't fucking come back!" -Talos

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Wow, he abandoned quite a bit of his crew there...

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these effects hold up! #monsterdon

The boat looks more wall-eyed than usual.

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Ok, I am non-ironically loving that living bronze statue #Monsterdon

HASHTAG NOT MY HERCULES

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963 #NotMyHercules

Unsurprisingly we made some mistakes in our insane plan and now our crew is running out of water. The shipwright dismisses this as grumbling and tells them to um... drink brine? While he goes to tell them this, Jason asks the figurehead for help and she tells him to sail to "the island of bronze" which is where the gods were making weapons and then gives extra advice that will be revealed later.

#monsterdon

Hercules and his side twink ruin it for everyone. Spoiler alert. #Monsterdon

Sir, the papier mache boulder just... dissolved!

#Monsterdon