We are now in out semi-erotic interpretative dance portion of the film.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

#Monsterdon

dance break!

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

An Orion?!?

#Monsterdon

Stop making advances. She already said she goes another way. #monsterdon

@jivens hee hee "Mutinus" xD

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

Ladies & gentlemen & enbies, your solid Colchis dancers. #Monsterdon

Is that the same girl that was painted green in the ST:TOS pilot? She looks familiar.

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

She DEFINITELY goes another way #Monsterdon #JasonandtheArgonauts1963

#monsterdon
Yeah! More writhing!

More dancing? Well I guess the movie has been lacking in dancing for the last hour.
#Monsterdon #JasonandtheArgonauts

After sailing through the strait, we find a survivor from the last boat, and because the survivor is a hot girl and the boat has been a sausage fest for the past few months, like six guys jump off to swim to rescue her.

As she recuperates under the awning-with-holes-in-it, she explains she's Medea and she was trying to sacrifice flowers to the clashing rocks so their boats could pass and also that her people worship a golden fleece and she'll take them to her city.

#monsterdon

was that an actual corset???

#monsterdon #jasonandTheArgonauts1963

I would have liked to see Medea curse somebody before we left her

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

dude treats a healing flower like it's nothing exciting

#monsterdon

"We have a flower in Colchis that heals and soothes."

"Really? In Greece, we have one that causes abortions."

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Tomorrow I'll show you my flower :bloblewd: #Monsterdon

❌ Technology NOT unlocked: any interesting magical insta-healing plant

#Monsterdon

The sun is getting higher - and Jason is getting LARRRRRRRRRGER

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

"Euphemus!"
"I barely grazed y'all!"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon
On second thought, inviting Mutinus aboard was a bad idea..

Quick burial at sea.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

“Euphemus, we will miss you so much, even though we knew your name for only this 60 seconds of film time.”

#Monsterdon

Cue the Oompa Loompas.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Is that a euphemism for something?
#Monsterdon

Euphemus! Euripedes! Eupayforthese!

#monsterdon

A mutiny is a terrible thing. Und I think it's about time we had one! #Monsterdon

did he just bitch-slap him with a bit of net

#Monsterdon

one of the more enjoyable "what the fuck is going on" scenes in recent memory

#Monsterdon

On the goooood ship Argonaut...

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Who dis ho? Girl, you done got saved by a boat load of gay men. #monsterdon

"Euphemus!"

*YOU* feem us, I'm bitter

#Monsterdon

Mop vs spear!
#Monsterdon

Goddamnit! We just got the Argus back from the detailers too!! Geico is going to rape us! #monsterdon

So this is, what, the ISS Hera? Seeing promotion through assassination?

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

Bringing a harpoon to a net fight. Rookie mistake. #Monsterdon

Their swords sound like dumping a bucket of chains into another bucket full of chains. #monsterdon

Now a mutiny? Aboard this bountiful ship?
#Monsterdon #JasonandtheArgonauts

#monsterdon Deus Ex Mackerel

That is Honor Blackman (from Goldfinger) as Hera. #Monsterdon

Pretty skinny arms for sword fighting #monsterdon

#monsterdon
I kinda don't blame Acastus for attacking Jason. He has been an awful captain.

“The fewer who go, the less to get caught,” said Jason who added under his breath, “and the fewer to disobey my instructions.”

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Mmm, wonderful sword clashing sounds compared to most we get (if any).

#Monsterdon

A good way to have a quiet end of journey is to imply that your crew member wants to murder you. #Monsterdon

Is this the same Jason from two days ago? He seems to have the same knack for surviving danger.

#monsterdon

"I think you'll try to kill me!"

"Nonsense! I'll kill you for that!" #Monsterdon

"What a bunch of clowns, my people have nothing to fear from these fools."

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

OK, so the foley sword work is a bit weak.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

What has that girl done to you?

We thought you were a fighting man.

A manly fighting man, a man, fighting manly!

#monsterdon

"We're not pirates, Phaleros." Right, they're sneak-thieves. This is going to need a smaller team. [Ocean's Eleven style split screen starts]

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

“Nah, my Javelin’s in the shop, I’m stuck borrowing my dad’s Gremlin” #Monsterdon

"What's the fewest you can think of?"

"One, of course"

❌ Technology NOT unlocked: 0️⃣

#Monsterdon

Everyone in Greece in the olde days, spoke received English pronunciation. History fact!
#Monsterdon

That priestess is the Yoko Ono of this journey. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon The good: This is a lot more anatomy than I would have expected from an early 60's sword and sandal fantasy flick.

The bad: It's mostly a curated tour of the worst of dad-bod.

"What that girl done to you! I thought you were a fighting man!"

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

"won't be any trouble"
the entire movie so far says different.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Angry at the gods, we throw the necklace Phinneas gave us, and because Hera is messing with things, it turns into a giant merman, probably Poseidon, who holds the rocks open so they can row through under his armpit.

We can file this under "plans that wouldn't work normally."

#monsterdon

The fleece is the GOAT #Monsterdon

Six months in a leaky boat... Six months...

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

"We'll put you ashore tomorrow, and perhaps you can show me the way to the city. Maybe we can grab a coffee. You guys got a Starbucks?"

#monsterdon

Going to sacrifice flowers? I think the gods may want something a little more... lively

#monsterdon
#JasonandtheArgonauts

#monsterdon In modern times we have whitey tighties. Back then it was Greece-y Teensies.

"We'll put you ashore tomorrow, then we'll steal your peace and prosperity!"

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

"Jai-sonne? What kind of name is that?"

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

Mmmm smells like ambrosia!

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Hecate! She's a witch. #Monsterdon

It's King Triton! Goddamnit....this isn't the Little Mermaid....that's Dutch and not Disney #monsterdon

If Colchis is at the end of the world and no human can get there, how does the lady know about Thessaly?

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

"Pull until your hides crack and your backs break!"

Then a fin splashes.
#monsterdon

"Thessaly! But that's the other side of the world! Or at least the Mediterranean!"

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

“No ordinary Ram. It has a hemi and a lift kit” #Monsterdon

He had to take her clothes off to find out if she was a man. That way he would know if he should offer him a job. #Monsterdon

@YsengrinWolf

I think for her the sausage party will never end!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon it’s sure nice her makeup is perfect after being pulled from the sea

“I am being rescued from a watery grave, but I must look HOT” #Monsterdon

"_They're_ being looked after. _You_, we're going to torture."

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

Poor Herc, having left before they found Greece's only surviving woman

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Flotsam! Jetsam! And a hot broad!

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Let’s get out of here: no antiperspirant! 😷 #monsterdon

Sausage party no more!

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

#monsterdon DIVE DIVE DIVE

everybody in the water! (apparently)

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

"May the King Fish pitts fill your sails...!"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon OM NOM NOM, I just love ships-ahoy cookies.

#Monsterdon

Hard to tell whether the gods are helping or hurting you, TBH.

The arrival of our heroine, Deus Ex Mariner #Monsterdon

I hope we don't have to see Zeus doing his "golden shower" impression in this one.

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

#monsterdon It must be frustrating using a pool of water as a monitor. Those ripples would drive me mad.

@nev Yes! There is, famously!

#monsterdon

Poseidon had the decency to wear Old Spice, unlike Hercules. I'm just sayin'

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

How can Zeus know what he says when they watch Jason TV on mute so often? #Monsterdon

Finally, our leading actress shows up as Medea!

#monsterdon

The rocks falling make Argus soil his undies. Hope he packed another pair. #monsterdon

@trixter Probably smells like haddock. #Monsterdon

@crowbriarhexe

Knows what Poseidon means

#Monsterdon

The tail was a nice touch, though.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963