Nothing like dying has ever happened to me before

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Five minutes left. If the plot shows up, perhaps it'll make some tea. After all, tea is perfect in a crisis, right? The plot will be definitely in-crisis.

She's 26? Are we supposed to believe that?

#monsterdon

I'm 26 and life has passed me by

okie

#monsterdon

@paco "did you know there are TWO 'northern lines' and they both go South?!" #monsterdon

TIMESTAMP TO CLIP I WILL SPARE NO ONE #monsterdon

Lol, did he just snatch the remote control....and then Martian Lady just stared at him until he returned it?

This Lady's style is Interplanetary!

"Because of his trickery you will all die"

She's Hans Gruber level of supervillain!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Robert has been turned into a flesh-sock muppet. Fine. We wrote off one of the mains, so how far along are we before the perfunctory END OF MOVIE GO HOME WE GOT TIRED OF WRITING AND HAVE NO MORE FILM.

Why is everyone always hiding behind the curtains?!

#monsterdon #devilgirlfrommars

they made sure to give this kid a big ice cream cone of lidocaine before they shot his scenes #monsterdon

I would also like to note that I expect the #DevilGirlFromMars to end her "fools I will conquer you all!" rants with some Villainous Laughter, but she never does. Instead she just kind of smirks. Which I guess I kind of respect, even if goofy Wicked Witch of the West laughter might be better? #monsterdon

How many whiskeys have these people had since events started?

This is starting to sound like they all got raging drunk and set fire to a barn....

#monsterdon

Has she said “Foolish mortals!” or “Puny Earthlings!” yet? #monsterdon #devilgirlfrommars

jesus christ these robot disintegration composite shots are GREAT #monsterdon

#monsterdon oh my gosh, that robot is a bunch of cardboard boxes and some duct tubing, this is amazing

#monsterdon "Now, earth-men, look! Watch the power of another world!"

_nothing happens_

"Oh hang on, there was a pending update, I just have to restart the Home Assistant daemon, one sec..."

“Now Earthmen, look. Watch the power of another world. Keep watching. Wait for it. Maybe take a seat. It’ll be here soon.” #monsterdon

“What if Monsterdon was horny?” -Everyone that voted for this movie probably

#monsterdon #devilgirlfrommars

"You poor demented humans"

You don't know the half of it lady

#monsterdon

American claims ownership of the first gun seen......sigh.....

Brits drink tea, America is a gun, Mars will prevail!

#monsterdon

"While we're still alive we might as well have a cup of tea"

It's a cliche....but it's accurate

#monsterdon

Mad to see Private Frazer as a slightly younger man

Loving the cape swish

I'm totally on Martian Lady's side.

Fuck the Terran Patriarchy

#monsterdon

the parameters of what an extraterrestrial lifeform must be capable of has dramatically changed since the 1950's, where then it was plausible for spaceships to be just like normal rocket craft made by species that can make trivial miscalculations and end up in scotland, but now it wouldn't read at all outside of a comedy for an alien to make a mistake like that because we understand that aliens would have to develop technology well outside our understanding of basic physics to travel to earth #monsterdon

"Organic metal"

Materials science does not work like that

#monsterdon

We don't actually see the flying saucer stop whirring, at least not yet. It kind of lands and keeps spinning and making noise for a while.

The bar patrons stop to have a debate on whether the flying saucer is a spaceship or not; I would say "yes", but the astronomer is unwilling to jump to conclusions. While I disagree, I rather wish the US Congress displayed his level of skepticism the next time a blogger tells them about a UFO.

#monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

#monsterdon Damn cheap English cars won't start. So it's accurate for a period piece.

@jonny I know, I'm sold, going to Mars

#monsterdon

Jaime and the jacketed woman may live. The rest must die. Don't let me down, Martian Devil Girl. #monsterdon

Urrgghhh, this is horribly like 'The Stranger From Venus" aka The Film Where Nothing Happened

#monsterdon

We are introduced to another character, Fancy Lady, who is hanging out in this Scottish bar/inn for unclear reasons. She's chatting with another guy who says he's a fisherman and she thinks that's cool. Then the astronomer / professor and his driver roll up to the Scottish inn, so we can gather all the suspects... I mean victims... I mean... potential martian slaves in the same place. #monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

I'm gonna steal so many spoons. #monsterdon

"Meteor, a bit of rock from the sky...." she saw the big one that killed the dinosaurs, this is nothing

#monsterdon

i just realized that the guy who escaped from prison after killing a woman redeemed himself in the end by killing another woman

#monsterdon

Which alien species is worse at invading planets? #monsterdon

1) the aliens in Signs (2002 Mel Gibson movie), who are killed by water and land naked on a planet covered in water?
2) the martian dominatrixes in #DevilGirlFromMars who have super powers but are also notably bad at invading planets

@srol A bunch of the #monsterdon movies from the 50s have long stretches of Nothing Happens and the Audience Groans followed by Surprisingly Abrupt Endings Where the Monster Dies.

@bunnyhero i watched the colorized version on youtube. Looks like it was "traditional" colorizing, not modern neural-network driven. #monsterdon

@paco I see nothing but men wanting to submit to Martian Fempire as well, the 1950s have no idea how things turned out, lol!
#monsterdon

@Taweret Thank God our heroes defeated the devil woman.

Otherwise a handful of men from London would have been selected to go to Mars and have lots of sex with Martian women.

What a terrible fate.

#Monsterdon

@moira @CactuarJoe everything is improved with fetishwear #monsterdon

Just as a thought experiment, imagine if Naia's mission had been successful and she'd brought back a Scottish guy to rebuild her race from

Thousands of years later, Earth finally makes it to Mars, lands on the planet

And a little green man offers them a Guinness. #Monsterdon

@Cherizilla Wait... when the convict destroyed the ship, isn't that "an unexpected ally"? #monsterdon

The Martian Mistress deserves her own erotic fanfic

#monsterdon

And they fuck off into the bar. That was a movie alright.

#monsterdon

The explosion effect looked lovely but they could have just ended the movie on the shot of the saucer flying away. That would be a perfectly good ending.

Instead, it explodes and we get a brief denouement by and for characters we do not care about completely undercuts what little the movie had going on.

That's a wreck, folks!

#Monsterdon

After flying off, the flying saucer explodes. We don't see how exactly, or why, but the audience is left to assume that the convict destroyed it some how. That he did this without any skills or equipment suggests to me some flaw in the Martian invasion plan.

Anyway, we all drink some scotch to celebrate and the credits roll. #Monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars .

So they're going to pretend none of this actually happened, aren't they?

#monsterdon

Because every 1950s #monsterdon movie needs a love story that the audience is bored with, the fancy lady and the astronomer get a scene where they kiss and pine for each other.

We get a bonus love story where the bar maid chats with and backrubs the murderer, who is tied up and doesn't remember what happened because being mind controlled mucks with your memory.

#DevilGirlFromMars

@blogdiva I was thinking Siouxsie Sioux

#monsterdon

I don't think that Professor who know much about London either, tbh, it's a big city....

#monsterdon

Ellen has a thing for toxic jerks. She should see a therapist

#monsterdon

BRB, installing curtains everywhere so I can *BOOM* my way into every room. #monsterdon

British men fight like drunk twinks

#monsterdon

"Tie him up.....with kinky rope....break out the poppers!"

#monsterdon

He punched his butt

#devilgirlfrommars #monsterdon

"Then we met the lady in the PVC fetish gear....it were like Slimelight were open it was..."

#monsterdon

"He is a young creature, his mind is free of your stupid ideas"

Save this boy from Earth

#monsterdon

The news guy is going to "deliver"

#monsterdon

You fools, I'm wearing rubber gloves!

#monsterdon

The pubgoers go back inside and have a conference about whether a bunch of bombers could trash the martian flying saucer. With characteristic vigor, the #DevilGirlFromMars wanders in and says something like "fools your puny war machines are no match for martian science!" then takes the professor to go see the inside of her flying saucer, which is a round room with glowing table in the middle. He is impressed that the flying saucer has air conditioning.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon “She's got Betty Davis Eyes…" HAHAHAHAH

After I made fun of the rectangular robot for not doing anything, the awkward rectangular robot decides to do stuff, namely blow up a tree, a truck and a storage shed with head launched photon torpedoes.

Martian Robot 1, Earthly Floatybirb 0.

#monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

LMAO the old guy lifting his coat to warm his bum. well done cheeky brit, well done.

#monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

they really filmed this movie at night in the middle of the scottish nowhere, didn’t they? it’s so damn dark.

also, that guy with the wonky scottie accent is giving me Daniel Day Lewis vibes with that forhead and those eyebrows.

#monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

It hasn't been fired in 20 years...

No problem at all because it's never been cleaned either

#monsterdon

good lord, there's a freaking ufo out there!!!!! #monsterdon

lol, dude walked himself repeatedly into an invisible wall, like a 'typical Earth male'

#monsterdon

trying to put myself in the mindset of a 1950's guy where basically every flying object is an unidentified flying object to justify how they keep acting like everything is normal #monsterdon

Admit it. Devil Girl’s costume was a clever creation given that naugahyde seems to be the most exotic material they had on hand. #monsterdon

#monsterdon This might well have been a play, but with the dedication to having every character narrate every action, this would have been just fine as a radio drama too.

Space Ship lands, somebody puts on a brew.

Authentic British

#monsterdon

Going to need at least two fingers to get through this film.

#monsterdon

@jonny because they're guests: you always bust out the fancy stuff for guests 😛
#monsterdon

It's probably bad if your wheel puts out that much smoke, but seeing as the tire is entirely gone...

#monsterdon

why are they eating out of a trophy you would get for winning the ancient grecian olympics #monsterdon

Mansplaining alert: THANKS, PROF! #Monsterdon 🚀 #DevilGirlFromMars

YOU HAVE A FUCKING FLASHLIGHT, AND YOU CAN'T READ THE SIGN? WTF

#Monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

Albert's a hot mess, girl. Back AWAY. #Monsterdon 🚀 #DevilGirlFromMars

I am utterly tickled by the fact that all of this CRISP ENUNCIATION by the actors is giving the YouTube [CC] complete clarity 😆 #Monsterdon 🚀 #DevilGirlFromMars

I bet she counts the spoons everyday anyway. #monsterdon

After the title credits, #DevilGirlFromMars takes us to painting by 1950s British Thomas Kinkaide, within which we visit a country pub. Inside the barmaids and a boy are listening to an old-timey radio that talks about a meteor that either burned up in the atmosphere or hit the earth. We then switch to a car where a driver is making fun of an astronomer quoted in the radio broadcast because he can't read a map of Scotland. #monsterdon

@diazona @homelessjun@mas.to #StarTrek / #DevilGirlFromMars crossover fanfic idea - Nyah is a Vulcan from the future who likes Earth boys but is extremely embarrassed by it, so she takes her custom built spaceship to the past to recruit some pets, pretending to be a martian for plausible deniability. #monsterdon

@diazona @jonny But a piece of her spaceship broke off, right? The "meteor" that blew up the plane (first shot of movie) and landed 40 miles from the Bonny Charlie? #Monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

I may be having a bit too much fun with this

(thanks to @combatwombat)

#Monsterdon

I am reflecting that the whole time the universe dropped a devil girl from Mars on the Scottish Countryside, and one of the main characters shoots the Devil Girl several times, but she doesn't die and gets mad and threatens certain death, ....that... no one in the pub who was holding a glass of whiskey ever set it down the whole scene.

No one said, " Gee, this is a lot to process. I better set my drink down."

I mean--

#Monsterdon #devilgirlfrommars

@CactuarJoe Agreed, #DevilGirlFromMars at least had events happen in it. #monsterdon

@CactuarJoe This is bringing a disturbingly high level of logical reasoning to the whole thing

#Monsterdon

Anyway, the one fundamental underlying issue with Devil Girl from Mars? All Naia had to do was land in any city with more than three dudes and ask for volunteers.

"Hey, who wants to go to another planet and help repopulate a planet full of women?" Like, you're not even getting to the free room and board before subby dudes stampede your gangplank.

#Monsterdon

they’re drawing cards? brits are so weird

#monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars #TeamDevilGirl

@combatwombat 2025 mood right there #monsterdon

@lytta @paco "Data from Star Trek" Functional

#monsterdon

They did a little to set up the relationship between Doris and Justin, so there's some pathos at the end. Ellen and Michael? I don't know why the characters were even in the movie.

#monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

@combatwombat Yes, but also kind of, I don't even feel like this movie deserves a "what"

It's more of a "..." movie

#Monsterdon

Oh and I got bingo! Just barely though

Thanks @Cherizilla

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonBingo

Huh, I didn't think of this as a fetish movie, but then again my fetish isn't having someone describe to me wikipedia entries they recently read for things that sound made up. #monsterdon

@jonny "Some people are in a pub in Scotland" that's all the exposition you need #monsterdon

@paco one might say an overabundance of dicks

#Monsterdon

I know why I'm so disappointed in the movie. It's because the title promised so much. I really wanted a devil girl.

Arrogant Dominatrix from Mars would have been more accurate. To be fair, those are fine too, just not the same thing.

#Monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars

I give it 2 out of 2 explosions 💥💥

#monsterdon #devilgirlfrommars

@CactuarJoe I believe he was a Cockney guy on the run, so you'd just have the White part of Australia again. #monsterdon

@crazypedia@officemarx.party thanks for another great monsterdon! we had:
- escaped murderer
- drinks on the house
- BDSM ladies from space
- robot raygun tech demo 🤖
- men being dumb
- A British amount of action scene
- where'd the kid go(again(asked no one))
- neat ink explosion in the sky

Is anyone worried that the Martians might send someone to check on their missing UFO?

#Monsterdon #DevilGirlFromMars